Depresso Expresso
by GodEmpressofCancer
Summary: In which a woman goes insane and writes crack porn of Emojis from a terrible Sony Animations movie. Gone Wrong. Gone Sexual. Gone Poop emoji. "Once you go shit, you never quit."


Gene gulped, ducking behind a Christmas Tree emoji. He peeked out to watch as Poop strolled down the sidewalk of his sunny Textopolis street, whistling.

 _'Gosh…He's so confident…and strong. So beautiful._ ' Gene took in a sharp breath. His face cycled through several emotions (most of them displaying fear), before settling on 'Nervous'.

He had always admired Poop. He was successful, handsome, and beloved, rivaling Smiler herself (before being dethroned, of course) in popularity.

Poop turned into an alley and Gene sighed. "Now's my chance. If I don't do it now, I might never get another shot."

"You can do it buddy! Merry Christmas!" The tree he was hiding behind enthused. Gene jumped, before giving the tree a sheepish grin.

He scuttled across the street, narrowly missing a car emoji, and ducked into the alley after Poop. His eyes darted around, before they landed on him. Poop. He felt his heart flutter. He felt choked up, overwhelmed by the view of Poop's lovingly crafted mounds from behind.

"P…Poop!" He called out, almost unconsciously.

Poop stopped, turning around at the sound of his voice. His beautiful, rich chocolate eyes focused on Gene, and his expression shifted into warm recognition.

"Gene!" Gene shivered subtly at the feeling of Poop's sexy British accent on his name.

 _'By Alex, I want him bad…'_

Poop walked over to him, smiling softly. "Why hello, chap! _Wünderbar_ to see you again! How are things with old Mr. and Mrs. Meh?"

"H-Huh? Oh, they're fine! Listen, I wanted to ask you something-"

"Hm? And what would that be?"

"Y'wanna…go out?"

Poop froze, his expression morphing into one of bemusement. "Go…out? In what way do you mean, dear boy?"

"Like…ah jeez, how do I put this..." His expression shifted to 'Bashful' and he stared at his feet. "Listen…Poop. I, uh, REALLY…like you? And I want to, uhm…get to know you?" His expression became a kissy face. "In the biblical sense?" His expression morphed into 'Shock' and he gesticulated wildly while stammering in an embarrassing attempt to backtrack.

Poop stared at Gene, his expression slowly morphing into one of knowing seduction. "Oh? How…amusing, my dear boy. You wish to do the…ehem…horizontal hello? With me? A man old enough to be your father? How filthy, and I should know."

Poop was a much older emoji than himself, but Gene didn't care. He liked older men. His expression morphed into 'Bedroom Eyes'.

"Being filthy can be kind of fun, Poop. You can attest to that, right?" he purred, his small hands smoothing over Poop's moist mound and adjusting his bowtie. Poop shivered, his digits wrapping around Gene's slender fingers.

"Gene. I'm a married man. Imagine what my WIFE would think."

Gene froze, and he took on an expression of 'Guilty'. Poop DID have a son. Evidence stipulated that he probably had a wife, too.

"Jeez, Poop. I uh, I'm sorry. I-I didn't t-think of that. I'll uh, I'll go-"

"Good thing I don't care WHAT my old biddy thinks, because we're getting divorced!" Poop exclaimed. He handed Gene a business card. "Come to my home tonight. I'll be waiting, Mister Meh." With that, Poop turned on his heel and walked out of the alley. Gene stared down at the card, excitement and anxiety coiling in his stomach…and arousal coiling in his groin.

"Fuck…"

/

He arrived at Poop's mansion, nervous and excited. He slowly breathed out, before ringing the doorbell. He jumped as a loud, cartoony fart echoed out from behind the door. He nearly groaned as he recalled that Poop had an affinity for making shitty jokes.

…

Wait, fuck.

Poop opened the door, smiling. "Mr. Meh! Hello. Welcome to my humble abode. Might I say, you look positively radiant." He purred, taking Gene's hand into his own and giving it a kiss. Gene blushed. Such a gentleman!

"Uhm…t-thanks. So, what…uh…what are we gonna do?" Gene ask nervously as Poop led him into his home. He gaped as he looked around. Poop's mansion was lavishly decorated, posh, and ritzy. He felt like he shouldn't be walking on the carpet without socks.

Poop chuckled, closing and locking the door behind Gene. "Do? Well, first, I have a question for you, dear boy. Are you into BDSM?"

If Gene had been drinking, he most likely would have spit it every ounce of it out. "B…BDSM?"

"Yes, my boy. Bondage and Domination. Domination and Submission. Sadism and Masochism. Kinky stuff, my dear." Poop looked at him seductively, raking his gaze over Gene's body.

"I uh…dunno." Gene murmured, blushing deeply as he stared at his feet. Poop smiled before strolling up to Gene, leaving them only a breadth apart.

"Then tonight will be a lovely one to find out, I would say." He breathed, before claiming Gene's lips with his own. Gene made a shocked noise, and his eyes fluttered shut. His first kiss, claimed by Poop himself. His knees felt weak. Poop ran a hand through Gene's blond hair, then nipped at his bottom lip, demanding entrance. Gene hesitantly parted his lips, and Poop's hot tongue darted inside, smoothing out over Gene's own. Gene started to feel lightheaded, as even emojis needed to #breathe. They both pulled away, breathing heavily.

"That was… ** _woo._** " Gene huffed, his face flushed and his loins burning.

"Yes indeed. Very 'woo'. But the wooing has only begun. Come…" He took Gene's hand and led him forward. "To my playroom."

"P-Playroom?"

/ / /

Gene gasped as the two walked into what Poop called 'the Playroom'. It was dimly lit, with a large bed in the center of the room, adorned with a silky brown bedspread that had Poop's face stitched across it.

On both sides of the room were all manners of machines, tables and racks. On the walls were hooks, with all sorts of kinky sex implements adorning them. Chains. Whips. Crops. Handcuffs.

However, none of them were nearly as shocking as what was on the bed. Or, more specifically, **_whom_** was on the bed.

Hi-5, his best friend, was on the bed, his fingers cuffed together, a ball gag in his mouth, and an odd contraption of some description pistoning in and out of his asshole. Hi-5 was moaning loudly and rather obnoxiously, the sounds slightly muffled by the gag.

"H-Hi-5!? What- w-who…why…"

Poop gave Gene a salacious grin. "Mh, it appears as though you've come upon my- well, our- little secret."

"S-Secret? What!? What're you doing to Hi-5!?"

"Why, giving him what he desires! 5 is such a naughty little slut, isn't he? Look at how well he takes that cock. Like he was made for it, hm? You should hear him when I take him. His screams could wake the deleted."

"I…I…" Gene's mind was reeling. Hi-5 and Poop were involved? Poop had been having sex with his best friend, behind his back? He felt sick. He had told Hi-5 about his crush on Poop before. Hi-5 had laughed it off. But now, here 5 was, taking up the ass in Poop's sex dungeon!

"I…I need to go. This was a mistake." Gene whimpered, tears gathering in his eyes. Poop raised an eyebrow.

"Why, whatever for, dear boy?"

"You and Hi-5 are… _involved_. I…I don't want to be a side whore." Gene responded, bitterly.

Poop laughed. "Side whore? Oh, no no no! Gene, Hi-5 and I are fuckbuddies, nothing more. We aren't romantically involved. Our relationship is purely sexual. Most of my relationships are. I do so hate the messiness of commitment. Sex is simple, easy, and fun! And I would simply love having fun with both of you tonight."

Gene blinked. "You want…to have sex with me and 5?"

"Well, yes! If you desire to." Poop said.

Gene considered it for a moment. Sex with his best friend and the object of his fantasies? _#Awkward_.

Yet, at the same time, he felt…aroused.

"I…I…okay. Let's…uh…fuck." Gene stuttered.

Poop grinned, pressing a kiss to Gene's lips. "Marvelous." With that he grabbed Gene's hand and led his to the bed. Gene and Hi-5 locked eyes. Hi-5 looked shocked, before his expression melted into lust.

"Now, pardon me Gene. I need to see how my little cock slut is faring." Poop grabbed the latch on Hi-5's ball gag, and undid it. He gingerly pulled the saliva coated gag out of Hi-5's mouth.

Hi-5 moaned loudly, shuddering. "You're a right arsehole, leavin' me like this for so long. And now y'wanna add Gene into the mix? You dirty fucker. No wonder Poopina's leavin' y- mmph!" Gene's eyes widened as Poop rammed his cock into Hi-5's open mouth.

Poop sighed, slowly thrusting in and out of the warm mouth around his big black shaft. "You know, you're far more attractive when you can't speak. Put that big mouth to some better use and suck, you whore." Poop growled.

Gene shivered. He hated to admit it, but the sight of his crush ramming his huge dick down his best friend's throat was turning him on. Not to mention Poop's seductive, throaty growling. He felt his cheeks flush and his cock began to poke out of its sheathe. He palmed his crotch before crawling closer. Hi-5 could, indeed take cock like a champ. He moaned and slurped around Poop's length, taking it all the way to the hilt with every thrust.

Gene moaned softly and wrapped a hand around his dick, slowly beginning to fuck his hand. "Sh-Shit…"

"Yes, Gene?" Poop responded, turning slightly to look back at him.

Gene blushed. "N-no, I was-"

"What? Enjoying what you see? It figures. Virgins are usually the filthiest, deep down." He cooed, before moaning as he fucked Hi-5's palm. He finally pulled out of Hi-5's mouth, leaving a string of saliva connecting his brown cockhead to Hi-5's lips. "Enough. I'm not wasting my nut in your mouth." He climbed off the bed and walked to the machine fucking Hi-5. He flicked a switch on it, turning it off. He gestured to Gene. "Pull the slut up onto the bed. He needs a real cock in him now." Gene jumped, before nodding hesitantly. He hooks his fingers into the grooves between Hi-5's digits, pulling him forward. Hi-5 moaned as the rubber cock slipped out of his abused hole.

"Coulda been…just a bit more…gentle there, mate." Hi-5 panted. Gene's expression morphed into 'Guilt'.

"Ah jeez, sorry dude."

Poop rolled his eyes as he climbed up onto the bed and mounted Hi-5. "Oh please, you big baby. You've taken far more abuse without complaint. Stop playing coy." With that, he lined his spit-slicked cock with Hi-5's hole and thrusted in. Hi-5 howled, his fingers curling, and he bucked backwards into Poop.

"Uunnngh…oooh fuucckk….y-yeah. Fuck me you dirty piece of shiiit…" Hi-5 moaned.

Poop grunted as he slammed his cock into Hi-5's hole, a resounding wet slap echoing throughout the playroom. "Gene, be a dear and quiet the slut, will you?" Gene widened his eyes, before looking down at his rigid cock. A blowjob? From his friend? This was so many levels of wrong.

"I…I dunno P-Poop-"

"Ung, _please_ , Gene. Fuck my mouth. I want it in! I want you to spray that Meh jizz right down my throat." Hi-5 groaned. Gene was mortified at his friend's filthy words, and yet, his cock strained at them nonetheless.

"Alright…if you want me to." He guided his cock to Hi-5's lips, before letting out a sharp gasp as Hi-5 engulfed his entire shaft, sucking it down into his throat. Gene moaned, his legs shaking. "Mother of _Alex_ , Hi-5…That feels s-so fucking **_good_** …" Hi-5 hummed, his tongue flicking at the slit of Gene's head. Gene rocked his hips, gasping in delight. He had never had a blowjob before. Only in his wildest dreams could he have imagined that his dick would be buried in his best friend's hot mouth.

"Mm, you enjoy sucking Gene's cock, don't you, slut? I can tell. Your tight little arsehole is practically spasming. Filthy little thing." Poop purred, fucking Hi-5's hole for all he was worth.

"I…H-Hi-5, I'm c-close! P-Pull off!" Gene moaned. Hi-5 mewled and sucked harder, his tongue slathering Gene's sheath.

Poop chuckled. "Oh no, he wants that nut in his mouth. He'll drink every drop of it."

Gene cried out as he came, shooting his cum into Hi-5's waiting mouth. Hi-5 moaned and swallowed gratefully, before letting Gene pull out. Gene fell back onto the pillows, a look of pure pleasure on his face.

"Hm, I'd s-say you enjoyed yourself, yes?" Poop grunted, a smirk on his lips.

"Y-Yeah…that was...g-great…" Gene mumbled.

"I'm…g-glad." He smacked the back of Hi-5's palm and grabbed Hi-5's index finger, pulling him back. "Good news whore. You get cum in your mouth and your filthy little shitbox today." With that he thrusted roughly into Hi-5's ass, before letting out a mighty bellow as he emptied his shitty sperm into him. Hi-5 cried out loudly, thrusting back to meet Poop before collapsing. Poop grunted and pulled out, brown tinged cum dripping out of Hi-5's hole.

"Well, that was fun. But I'm still raring to go. Oh Gene, would you be a dear and bend over?"

"H-Huh?"

"Bend over, my boy. I plan on breaking in that sweet virgin ass tonight." He growled seductively, pumping his cock.

Gene flushed. "P-Please, be gentle."

Poop chuckled. "I make no promises." He turned Gene over onto his face. He stared at the puckered starfish of Gene's anus, and drooled.

"I can't wait for this pretty little hole to fit my cock. But in the meantime, I also should take care of my little whore. Hi-5?"

"Yeah? Whaddya want, Shit Head?" Hi-5 panted.

"Keep talking back and I can guarantee a whipping in your future." Poop warned.

Hi-5 laughed. "Goodness, I sure hope so. You've been gettin' soft on me lately."

"Not too soft, I hope." Poop quipped. "Now, be a dear and present your cum receptacle to Gene."

"Which cum receptacle, Master?"

Poop shivered. "Mm, still love how that sounds coming out of your mouth. And you know very well that I'm referring to your ass."

Hi-5 snickered and turned around, presenting his gaped, cum dripping asshole to Gene.

"Um…w-what do you want me to-"

"Well Gene, are you aware of what 'rimming' is?"

Gene looked confused. "No…Not really."

Poop grinned. "I see. Well now's as good a time as any for you to learn. You see, I want you to tongue his asshole until he cums."

Gene blushed. "Oh. Wow, o-okay."

"Don't worry my boy. Hi-5 is easy. Even an inexperienced tongue on that hot little hole will have him cumming after a while."

"I take offense to that remark!" Hi-5 snapped, wiggling his ass.

Poop rolled his eyes. "Just follow my lead Gene. Do as I do." With that, he pressed his tongue to Gene's asshole. Gene yelped, before moaning softly. Poop hummed and prodded Gene's entrance, before slowly forcing it past the tight ring of muscle. Gene gasped, before focusing himself. He tried his best to ignore Poop's ministrations, and leaned forward, pressing his own tongue against Hi-5. Hi-5 moaned, rocking his hips. Gene dug his tongue into 5's asshole, wriggling it about and prodding it. He tasted the muskiness of Poop's cum, and moaned. 'So good…'

Poop, meanwhile, had slipped a finger into Gene, then two, then three. Deeming him prepared, he lined his cock up with Gene's virgin hole.

"Brace yourself, love." He purred. He pressed forward slowly, and Gene tensed. Poop was huge. His big shit dick was wide, and long, and he struggled to continue with his task of eating out Hi-5's cummed up hole. "Nnn…yessss…such a tight, perfect little ass." Poop groaned. Gene moaned, before ramming his tongue deep into Hi-5's ass. His cock was hardening once more and leaking. Would he achieve a second orgasm?

Meanwhile, Hi-5 moaned and practically sobbed. "Fuck, yes! Tongue fuck my tight hole! Don't stop! Hooo ffuuuckk! Make me your bitch, Gene! Do the Emoji Pop into my arsehole! Yeeessss!"

Poop began to fuck Gene in earnest, his big black balls slapping against Gene's underbelly. "Mm…yesss…take it. Take my big shit log…" He whispered, reaching around to grab Gene's shaft.

Gene felt lightheaded from all the stimulation. The room smelled of sex and shit, and he could barely hear over the blood pounding in his ears and the sound of Hi-5's moans.

"I…f-fuck! I'm coming! Gene! Poop!" Hi-5 crowed, humping Gene's face.

"Go on. Cum, you thot." Poop breathed, thrusting powerfully into Gene, balls fit to burst and fill Mel's son with his shitty sperm. Hi-5 cried out helplessly, shooting ribbon after ribbon of milky white upon Poop's satin sheets. His hole spasmed and contracted around Gene's tongue, and Gene moaned. Poop growled and pumped Gen's cock in time with his thrusts.

"Poop…I-I'm…I'm…"

"Cum for me, boy!" Poop commanded, his other hand pulling Gene's hair. Gene screamed as he finally came again, jizz coating Poop's hand. Poop growled, fucking Gene with all his might, then his breathe hitched as he filled Gene with his shit seed. Gene moaned as he felt warmth blossom in his bowels.

 _'I'm filled with Poop's cum…_ '

He collapsed at that thought, passing out from the sheer ecstasy.

Poop sighed, pulling out of Gene, his nut dribbling out of his ass.

"Well then. That was quite fun. I do so hope this happens once more. Mel raised a fine piece of ass. I'd love to see how he holds up under my other toys." He licked his lips. His eyes darted to Hi-5, who was still reeling from his orgasm.

"Don't get comfortable, 5. You still need to clean my cock and his asshole with that pretty mouth of yours."

Hi-5 groaned. "In a sec, ShitLord."

/ / / /

 **I want to die so fucking badly. This is fucking trash and I'm ashamed to have written it, even ironically.**


End file.
